Cancer, Covid-19, and Me

Exactly five years ago on this very weekend, the Kansas Jayhawks were in Lincoln, Nebraska for the first weekend of the NCAA tournament. I was not. For the first time in the 2000’s I missed a Kansas NCAA tournament weekend, and the reason was cancer. I was wrapping up my thirty rounds of radiation, and while I was physically capable of working, which I was doing anyway, I couldn’t miss the treatments. It turned out to be the only weekend of the tournament for KU as they were upset by Wichita State in the second round.

A couple of weeks later I would reach one of my goals set during treatment, to be physically well enough to attend and cover the Final Four in Indianapolis, which was a delightful annual event for me. But it wasn’t the major goal for me. THAT goal was reaching some state of normalcy by the end of May, when I had crafted a plan to set out on a solitary secret journey towards the Black Hills, and wherever my muse might lead me. It became the template for my 2016 book “Leaving Cancer for the Circus”. I will use an excerpt from the book to lay out the early stages of my cancer journey and the effects of the treatment…..

“The side effects were not awful, but not insignificant either. I slowly lost all of my ability to taste. If it was just no taste that wouldn’t have been so bad, but things actually tasted bad. At the worst, my analogy was that everything tasted as if I were chewing a piece of gum with the silver wrapper still on it. My mouth constantly tasted as if I had been swimming in the ocean all day. There was slow improvement over time, but I did lose a fairly considerable amount of weight, about 35 pounds and I probably only needed to lose about 10.

I worked out every day, and I worked every day. When it was suggested that maybe I should take a little time off, my thought was why should I waste time off when I felt just a little crummy. It was at this time, about March 1, that I started to hatch my plan of taking off, just getting away by myself to some areas of the upper Midwest and a little west of that, which I had never really explored.

Right from the outset, I felt like my little getaway had to be somewhat of a secret, something that would be just for me to own, and think about, at times when I needed a goal. There was, however, nothing devious in my mind about it. I would have to tell a couple of people at work for planning reasons, and I shared it with my youngest sister, who I am very close with despite the fact that we live far apart, and we actually don’t communicate constantly. Besides that, I just kept it close to my heart.”

So on that weekend five years ago, I was a little over nine weeks away from my journey. A fairly significant amount of time, but still close enough to taste, so to speak. At that Final Four In Indianapolis, I still wasn’t able to enjoy the delightful Radio Row spread, but I was very much hopeful that all would be right when I drove away in late May. That turned out to be almost, but not quite true.

It has now struck me as we have endured out first week of our lives being turned upside down by the coronavirus, that using that time in my life as a bit of an inspiration to survive the day to day slog of not doing many, many things that we love would be a wise thing. Because it seems right now that the end of May might be about as soon as we can hope that we might even have some sense of where we are at. That is probably pretty optimistic, but we definitely need that right now.

There are parallels that I can use. I tried to face my treatment and recovery in matter of fact fashion, and I will try to do that now. The big difference is that although I had challenges and fears, I could just go about my business. There is no going about your business right now, but ticking the days off using whatever plan you might think is best for you is all we can do. I do a tremendous amount of work on my website, and that will continue with adjustments along the way. But one of my coping mechanisms now is to take a nice drive when the day has wound down. Listen to the radio, or not, no destination really, kind of a microcosm of being on the back roads of Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota, and Wyoming back in 2015.

Another difference is that was a solitary fight. Sure, I had great support. A wonderful wife I trusted would understand my nutty bit of whimsy in taking the trip. Doctors, nurses, family, co-workers. But really it’s you, and your hope, your determination, your good fortune. In this fight to move past this pandemic, we need to work together, though seperated. It was apparent that many people were not going to voluntarily stop going about their business unless mandated, and although many still think that this has been far too Draconian, in my mind it has not. Be serious about it folks, and we will be the better for it.

Hey, it sucks. I miss watching games. I miss analyzing them, and just plain enjoying them. The only normal thing in sports right is the regular NFL calendar. It’s exactly the same as it would have been, with free agency and the like, but for me, especially when it’s the ONLY thing, it’s too much. I have started to DVR old Premier League games. It’s easier than other sports to pick one that I don’t remember the result of, so none of my favorite Arsenal, but I don’t care. It’s a tiny pleasure, but it doesn’t come close to fresh, new sports. As I write this I am sure many Kansas Citians are gearing up to watch the NFL Network as they replay the Super Bowl tonight, although no doubt a lot of you have watched it many times already.

There is quite a bit of irony in this, but in many ways that journey in 2015 was easier than this one. Of course that is in the context of the fact that I actually DID recover. The eating part sucked, and getting zapped every day wasn’t great, but besides that I lived, worked, went to the movies, played golf, all of that. I can still work and work out but that’s about it. So many things are off the plate, and likely the worst part is the uncertainty of now knowing when it will change.

Most of us will survive, and I hope to be able to say that almost all of us will. We will learn from it, and hopefully, at least for a while, really treasure things when we get them back. I know that my experience five years ago gave me a great appreciation for many things, and a far greater patience with the foibles of others. I have had a little practice is something similar, and now that I have realized that, I hope to put it to use.

I have said this often, at book signings, speeches, and personal conversations. Again, since I DID survive, getting cancer was really a great thing for me. Sounds crazy, but no cancer, no trip, no book, no engagement with hundreds of people that I had the great joy to affect in some small way. I’m not yet sure I will be able to say that about how we get past, and approach, our lives post-coronavirus.

But we can hope. And that is all we have right now.