Inability for Civility

Civility.

I feel almost silly writing the word. We are certainly woefully short on it these days. Luckily, I seek out stories for my podcasts that at least give me a bit of a sense that there are stories of fine people doing good work, but certainly a healthy dose of just being more civil in our actions would go a long way. When I thought about writing about this topic a few days ago, the violence in reaction to the death in police custody of George Floyd had not yet escalated, but perhaps the tenets of the piece now hold even more.

Recently the nation was riveted for a five-week period on The Last Dance, the Michael Jordan documentary. Among many other fine things of course, it is in large part a celebration of lack of civility. Jordan’s single-minded pursuit of excellence which in part included horrendous behavior toward his teammates was generally accepted because he won six titles. Many people commented on how it was a refreshing difference to the way that athletes in the NBA “buddy up” to each other now, as if that is a bad thing. It seems that the phrases “win at all costs” and “the end justifies the means” used to be a negative. I’m not so sure anymore.

Baseball is trying to work its way back to play, and they are the sport right now that is doing the worst job of airing its dirty laundry. Thankfully, the Kansas City Royals inserted a little bright note the last couple of days by not joining much of the rest of baseball in stopping payments to their minor league players, and cutting many as well.. But in the main, the exchange of economic proposals has had a bad look to it, especially as millions struggle. In this case, I think the players side has a point, but they probably should hash things out away from the public eye. The players in March did act in a rather civil fashion by quickly agreeing to a pay cut, accepting a pro-rated salary based on games played. Once the owners realized that even if play resumed fans very likely would not be allowed, they came back for more. I think they are wrong, but the two sides should quietly try and get something done in a civil fashion.

But that certainly would be going drastically against the grain of how just about everyone operates now. I started off with a couple of sports examples, and if Michael Jordan wanted to abuse his teammates and have it celebrated, or billionaires and millionaires want to bicker, that’s sort of OK, because it’s sports, it’s the playpen of life. People are playing games, and when those games go away, it is merely an inconvenience, not something of real life importance.

But our lack of a feeling of cooperation in general is so counterproductive to moving a nation forward that it bears scrutiny. I guess I could start with Twitter. I’m sure it would have been a horrendous business decision, but wouldn’t it have been a great thing if they just limited it to sports? It’s really kind of perfect for that. Reacting to games, and plays, and calls, or fueling rivalries with even somewhat mean spirited comments is kind of what sports is all about. Just a 140 character way to play out what goes on in the playground, or at the bar.

But in my mind in real life it is an abject disaster, the worst sort of setting for anonymous, hateful, ignorant, and hurtful commentary about things that really matter. It doesn’t matter what side you are on, the complete disregard for facts, for sensitivity, yes, for civility, does nothing to advance us in any way, and unfortunately, worse, sets us back. I once was a very political person, interested and engaged. I just don’t have the stomach for it anymore. We have turned a process that is supposed to produce productivity and progress into a team sport, and the two teams have more vitriol for the other than even the most heated college rivalries. Usually this just results in loud, blathering gridlock, but we can see right now that the consequences can be far greater.

Let’s just use the rather low-key example currently of wearing a mask. For me, the civil thing to do is to use one. But, there certainly is enough information out there to cast some doubt as to whether or not there is great benefit to it. It would seem, however, that at least at a basic common sense level that if one of the easiest ways to spread the coronavirus is through airborne spittle, that a mask at least eliminates that. But even something as tepid an opinion as that one probably just raised some hackles. I guess my point would be that most of the reason for all of the things we are doing is for others. No individual, healthy, person has a high percentage chance of being infected, but that same person can create problems for others who are in a much more vulnerable position.

So why not just wear the mask when you are around many others? It has no real effect on you, except for being the slightest of inconveniences. Why not? Because I don’t want to, say many, and I have the right not to. Yes, we have turned ourselves into a nation of six year old’s who throw a tantrum if they don’t get what they want…..and right now. The nice gesture, the civil one, would be to wear the mask, but that is not the way that the previous few sentences likely are perceived by many. They are likely seen as political. I can’t think of anything that really is less so, just a common courtesy almost akin to the old timey helping an old lady across the street, but, nooooo, not right now.

Currently, what we get is a culture war, with both masked and unmasked berated and sent out the door of stores, depending on the location. As noted, I would like to see people wear a mask, but I don’t think it is my place to tell them so. In fact, in the current climate, I imagine that someone who had chosen not to would just love it if I expressed that to them, so we could have what would almost surely be a not so civilized discussion. There really seems to be no market for civil discourse, a phrase which might as well be sent to a museum. One person can go to their favorite channel to get their opinions reinforced, and the other can go to theirs.

Merely an injection of common kindness, and another lost attribute, common sense, could go so far in making ours a more genial and productive society. Instead, we have set ourselves up in an environment that reminds me of an old George Carlin bit about drivers. Only the person who is going exactly the same speed as you is acceptable. If they are going faster, they are maniacs, if they go slower, they are morons.

Of course now the previous examples and even a reference to a joke seem trivial as violence spreads across our cities. There have been many relatively peaceful protests, which actual would fall under the category of civil disobedience, but there also has been rampant looting and destruction of property. There now is palpable outrage over the death of Floyd at the hands of a policeman whose actions rose far above the level of lack of civility, but certainly if Derek Chauvin had some, he might not have been inclined to kneel on someones neck for eight minutes, and if his fellow officers on the scene possessed some, they might have implored him to cease and desist. Instead, even the pleas of bystanders were ignored with tragic circumstances.

The anger is understandable, with members of the black community pushed over the edge by incidents that just never seem to go away. They have garnered support from many whites as well. But perhaps the worst act that a cause can engage in when they want to express their anger is looting. It is the most uncivil of civil disobedience, which it really isn’t. It is merely people taking advantage of an often quite rightful reaction for mass protest, creating an environment for petty theft. It stains the actions of people who are understandably frustrated by a litany of violence toward the African-American community by law enforcement that just doesn’t seem to go away. As much as we would like to see no violence in these situations, anger toward police that manifests itself in setting fire to a patrol car, or a station house, rises far above destruction of property of members of your own business community, and pure greed.

The situation itself makes any manifestation of civility almost impossible. The very entity that created the anger, the police, are the ones trying to calm the situation and keep a peace that the protesters have seen fail over and over. My whole point in this context is not that we could just be civil under the most dire circumstances, it is that the whole atmosphere we have created of a complete lack of understanding and cooperation, makes these outbreaks far more likely.

Just a couple of years ago we saw the divisiveness play out when football players started kneeling during the National Anthem. A national debate that wasn’t one, merely another example of steadfast tribalism. In trying to defuse the situation, and create better PR, and peace within their work force, the NFL put millions of dollar into awareness and programs to create a better atmosphere between law enforcement and the inner city population. But if no one will listen, it is just throwing money out the window, because here we are again.

I keep trying my best to not merely throw my hands in the air and just totally disengage. I guess because I am writing these words, I have at least succeeded in that. But, for instance, it is fifty five years since Martin Luther King delivered a speech designed to quell frustration, but which included the recurring “How long must we wait?” mantra. Fifty five years, and it is easy to see his words as ringing sadly hollow.

We need to listen more, but it’s hard to listen when you are merely bellowing yourself. I hope it is possible for us to somehow turn down the kind of bellicose rivalry that is suited for the field, and not the city park, but I sure have my doubts. When I started writing this piece I thought that perhaps stretching the continued theme of civility out to it’s worst and most famous form, Civil War, was a stretch itself.

I can only hope.